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My divorce? A scary rebound relationship? Call them my “secret projects” for healing

CONFESSIONS: “When my little brother said I was like a T-shirt for women who shack up with abusers, I knew I had hit rock bottom”

ANONYMOUS — Sometimes I feel fondly — even grateful — for hitting what I consider rock bottom . . . so long as I never have to visit there again.

If there’s a contest between life’s ups and downs, ups are in. Some people pop pills to stay up.

Up is nothing to sneeze at, certainly, but I also believe that down is a place where you can do some foundation work for a personal renovation.

My downward journey started . . .

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Arnold Schwarzenegger and the unbearable lateness of monogamy

An up-close and personal account of infidelity from a Soul’s Code contributor goes deeper than the public contritions of governors, celebrities and other cheaters

BY CASSANDRA KELLY — Sometimes, to amuse myself, I think about the parallels between my life and the lives of those that our society has deemed “famous” or “stars.” For instance, I grew up in poverty — so did Gloria Estefan.  I’m a pilates lover and so is Jen Anniston.

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Finding, and losing, love

Finding, and losing, love

I find my soulmate, but a cyber lover causes a rift in our bond

Read the Soul’s Code exclusive series, Sins of my Faith

In Marina’s last episode she begins therapy with a psychologist and realizes that she’s become estranged from both her creative, and feminine sides.

BY MARINA GIULLIANI — After years of hopping from bed to bed I’d finally found a place where I felt truly comfortable.  I sealed my promiscuous past in a vault at the back of my head and jumped at the chance for a normal relationship.

Chris was the love of my life, and we were involved in a full time relationship from first sight. The product of a nasty alcoholic father, and a mother who made up for all his father’s evil deeds, Chris had more goodness than any human being I’d ever met.

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Does “For richer for poorer” work, even during a recession?

Recession pushed a real-life couple into therapy.  What they found when they got there: money was synonymous with love and security.

DAVID RICKEY — In early 1988 I began work with a couple, (we’ll call them George and Martha), whose relationship seemed to be a victim of the ’87 recession. Martha worked as an interior designer; George worked at a Wall Street investment firm.

The recession was the cause of his being laid off and it also saw a decline in her business. Before this upheaval they had lived a very comfortable lifestyle on the Upper Westside of Manhattan.

They came to me because they found that most of the time that they were together now, they were fighting or just irritable, and there was a big decline in intimacy. They thought all this had to do with the decline in their income and therefore the lowering of their “lifestyle”.

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Prayer Wall: “I am in a very difficult and confusing time — Please Help”

A single mother whom we’ll call by her first initial, “M,” to protect her and her daughters’ identity and location, wrote to us to ask for advice and prayers. She’s just had a relationship-shocker that she compares to the movie, American Beauty, and the secret life of Amber Frey’s notorious (and married) ex, Scott Peterson. If that were not enough, M also just lost her corporate job.

In M’s own words . . .

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Eliot Spitzer’s press conference confession and penitence

Eliot Spitzer’s press conference confession and penitence

Little did the New York governor know at the time but another Democrat with presidential ambitions, John Edwards, would later make this moment of public shame seem quaint

BY PAUL KAIHLA — It fits the spiritual season we’re in — the last week of Lent — that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer made a public contrition a few hours ago for cheating on his wife (woman, left) with prostitutes.


Ego-eviscerating confessions like this usually take place in private between a sinner and his or her rabbi or priest, not the national press corps: I apologize first, and most importantly, to my family. I apologize to the public, to whom I promised better.

To elaborate James Carville’s words on CNN a few moments ago, we’re here not to judge but to advance the causes of forgiveness, redemption and transformation — and that’s not just because Spitzer was listed as Client No. 9 . . .

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DEALING WITH LOSS: Step 7

Why People Can’t Get Over a Lost Love

“You had me at cathexis,” is a line of real-life dialogue from one of our own nine love-lives. It’s also a pun on the signature line in the movie, Jerry Maguire. If break-ups are the most common form of loss around us today, then the term cathexis is the first key to un-locking their pain.

It goes way back to Sigmund Freud but it was Dr. M. Scott Peck who made it meaningful to the masses in his cross-over, blockbuster, The Road Less Traveled:

We must be attracted toward, invested in and committed to an object outside of ourselves, beyond the boundaries of self . . . Once cathected, the object is invested with our energy as if it were a part of ourselves, and this relationship between us and the invested object is called cathexis.

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Spiritual Surf: Revenge is a dish best served in the nude?

The best ways to handle anger: nude photo sessions, slutty behavior or destructive behavior

A woman left children entrusted to her care unattended to venture into the woods and pose for nude pictures, the Associated Press reports. The woman, a 20-year-old, said the photo session was designed to get back at her boyfriend.

It’s, indeed, a low point when we use sex to try and hurt those we purport to love, let alone put children in the way of harm or neglect. We’ve written about the benefits of nudity and highlighted different perspectives on sex. Let a quick thought from David Deida’s “Instant Enlightenment” serve as a commentary on this case:

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Love triangles with mystical angles

Love triangles have been a hot-button with editors, producers and the public these days yet one of the most provocative stories has remained MIA from national headlines. San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom’s or the NASA space-shuttle captain Lisa Nowak’s affairs have nothing in the “Jesus-H” department compared to this one.


Toni Roberson, who adopted the name Gangaji, is an American mystic based in Ashland, Oregon. She’s not a self-taught guru like Byron Katie, but she has a lofty pedigree as a protege of an Indian teacher who was the star pupil of Ramana Maharshi, perhaps the greatest sage of the last century. Hence, Gangaji’s/Roberson’s adopted name.

What we see in this video of her is 98 % hardcore teaching. Roberson has seen for miles and miles, viz. her searing epiphany: “Who you are really can never be taught. If it could be taught it would be a thing that could be extracted, objectified and learned. And by this time we would have all learned it . . . If you’re of a particular sub-group you’ve heard that ‘you’re radiant light,’ ‘you’re God’s child,’ ‘you’re free,’ ‘you’re safe.’ But to hear it . . . to memorize it, to hope it’s true, is not enough. It has to be discovered directly.”

But what her recent back-story illuminates is that while mystics may live in an elevated psychological state, they do not live in elevated circumstances. When it comes to problems in relationships, they’re like the rest of us. Whew, what a relief that is. Juxtapose the video above with this newspaper story and this thread on the blog Guruphiliac about the affair 3 year-long affair Roberson/Gangaji’s husband Eli Jaxon-Bear – a spiritual teacher in his own right — had with a disciple in their jointly-administered spiritual commune.

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American gothic: NASA astro-babe, Lisa Nowak, is forensically grounded

American gothic: NASA astro-babe, Lisa Nowak, is forensically grounded


America is far more protective of her astro-babes than her mayors. Even so, Lisa Nowak has been turned into a poster caricature of an American Psycho, the hooded Alpha-female version. The mind goes, ‘wow, and she’s an Annapolis grad, just like Jimmy Carter. . . .’ In this week of high-profile betrayals and love triangles, you can’t help but think Nowak’s co-conspirators got a free pass from the media.

There is scarce coverage or chattering-class-chatter about the Other Man, astronaut Bill Oefelein: here’s his NASA blog (wonder how long this will stay up?). And even less noise about the other woman, Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman, who was the object of the dude’s two-timing desires.

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