Decoding Codependency
Barack Obama, John McCain and the presidential politics of CODEPENDENCE
BY PAUL KAIHLA and DAVID RICKEY — In our description of the Stage 1 of codependence we talked about how common it is for people who had childhoods with an abusive, dysfunctional or weak parent to carbon-copy that dynamic in adult relationships — or compensate for it.
As it happens, both of the 2008 presidential candidates fit the mold with their fathers. Barack Obama (in the B&W photo with his mother, step-father and half-sister) never really knew his father, except by myth. Obama's father abandoned his family and future Democratic nominee when Barack was a toddler.
John McCain’s father, an admiral and heavy drinker, was absent for much of the Republican nominee's childhood.
We're not going to argue that Obama or McCain are currently in codependent marriages but you could say that every politician, at some level, has plugged into a codependent arrangement with his or her constituents, the media and public at large.
What is the energetic arrangement? If you take care of ME, I'll take care of you.
They perceive that their survival as a politician is dependent on their meeting the needs of the electoral public. And it requires walking a fine line between doing the right thing, and doing what will get them or their party re-elected.
The point is driven home beautifully in the political satire, Dave. Kevin Kline plays the role of a ‘loser’ social worker who takes the place of the president, his look-alike, when the latter goes into a coma.
Dave (Kevin Kline) scandalizes the White House staff by insisting on doing the right (moral) thing, even though the political cost could wipeout electoral success — and everyone's careers. Dave/Kline doesn't fit into the system because he is not codependent: His core ‘constituency’ is his own conscience.
So, whether you are a politician or civilian, the potential for codependence is a living, ticking thing. It's a question, partly, of pre-disposition — and partly a question of willingness to work, to gain personal insight, to evolve.
NEXT: The Enneagram, a chart for 'predicting' CODEPENDENCE
I wouldn´t exactly call it a confession,although I have plenty of confessions perhaps necessary to make because of my codeependent behaviour. It is more a realisation that after trying for years to fix my alcoholic mother then my alcoholic husband and more recently my drug dependent friend
- and yes I confess lover I finally came to the realisation that the only person I need to fix is myself because I have through destructive traits and avoidance been sabotaging my own health and happiness and joy in living not to mention family unity and happiness for as long as I can remember. It has been horrible to wake-up to this fact but I suppose better late than never. I also discovered how arrogant I was thinking I was solely responsible for the happiness of others. In reality I think I caused more pain than happiness but at least I no longer feel solely responsible for all their unhappiness which is a plus! Wish I could reverse all the pain but at least I can try to put a stop to it and try to be a better role model for my kids from now on.
Please share. We are here for you
More and more I am realizing how my connection to other’s in their struggles has held me back from my own accomplishments. It seems I so want to share what I’ve learned and short-circuit their own learning. Good info here – thanks for providing and sharing.