Decoding Codependency
The spiritual solution to CODEPENDENCE
BY DAVID RICKEY — From a spiritual point of view, especially if you wanted to freak out a passing fundamentalist, you could say that the Jesus of traditional Christianity represents the Nth-degree of co-dependency: he owned the sins of the entire body of humanity, and sacrificed himself for them.
A more 'enlightened view' of Jesus' life would be that out of his own experience of marginalization as a child (see 'Rabbi Jesus' by Bruce Chilton), he so intensely identified with other marginalized people that he dedicated his life to proclaiming the inclusion of ALL.
The difference is the level of anxiety we feel. That's why Jesus continually proclaimed, 'Do not be anxious.' Jesus didn't live his life seeking a solution to anxiety; he spent it growing into awareness of the shared journey of enlightenment.
The reality is that we are all co- (now read, inter-) dependent. No human being is an island. Healthy interdependence is living life in full awareness of this fact, feeling the suffering of others as true compassion (suffering with), but not seeking to control others for our comfort, but to raise them up from whatever pain and suffering we experience with them and bring about liberation, theirs and ours.
As Paul Kaihla describes at the end of Confessions of a codependent, a panel in this series, our own abusive, or otherwise painful childhoods, can lead us into co-dependency — at the same time as they can also be the gift that propels us into true compassion, where we feel other's pain as our own, and inspires us to reach out in love. Thomas Moore in Care of the Soul says that our childhood is simply the raw material out of which we build a life. The choice is ours.
The key is whether we feel focussed narrowly on an individual, and feel bound to them, locked in patterns of shared suffering; or whether we respond to individuals while looking more broadly towards humanity with the intention of doing our part in the liberation from suffering of all sentient beings, perhaps responding most where we feel most empathy. Jesus, the Buddha, and all great spiritual teachers discovered their true SELF in connecting to others seeking to liberate all.
I wouldn´t exactly call it a confession,although I have plenty of confessions perhaps necessary to make because of my codeependent behaviour. It is more a realisation that after trying for years to fix my alcoholic mother then my alcoholic husband and more recently my drug dependent friend
- and yes I confess lover I finally came to the realisation that the only person I need to fix is myself because I have through destructive traits and avoidance been sabotaging my own health and happiness and joy in living not to mention family unity and happiness for as long as I can remember. It has been horrible to wake-up to this fact but I suppose better late than never. I also discovered how arrogant I was thinking I was solely responsible for the happiness of others. In reality I think I caused more pain than happiness but at least I no longer feel solely responsible for all their unhappiness which is a plus! Wish I could reverse all the pain but at least I can try to put a stop to it and try to be a better role model for my kids from now on.
Please share. We are here for you
More and more I am realizing how my connection to other’s in their struggles has held me back from my own accomplishments. It seems I so want to share what I’ve learned and short-circuit their own learning. Good info here – thanks for providing and sharing.