How I used intention to find my ‘ideal’ man

A 20-something seeker from South Carolina shares her secrets for finding, and realizing, love in the 21st century

spotless-mindGUEST COLUMN: CHELSEA LANGAN — Imagine remembering only the very best memories, and making only the finest plans for the future. This is all that should be going on when you are fully immersed in the present moment (a theme explored brilliantly in the movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind).

My mantra to myself: ‘Negative thoughts that come across your mind are strictly off limits.’ Acknowledging this is really all it takes to eliminate the flotsam that weighs us down.  It is possible to let your inner light of love and life literally take over every process and aspect of your life.

What works for me: letting go and surrendering.  We are called to abandon worry and create moments of stillness in our minds to think precisely of NOTHING.  Hard to do, right?   Try these tricks throughout the day.

I love to imagine my body processing life perfectly, totally in tune with every interaction in every moment, feeling the effects of only the best thoughts, and clarifying every dream and vision that comes to mind until it’s a reality staring back at me.

Recently one of my visions became a reality

juan1After yet another breakup with a boyfriend . . . I remember saying that I wanted a boyfriend for the Christmas Holidays.  Well, I got one: we met in December, 2008 and were over by about January 2, 2009!  I then became determined to focus on finding my perfect man, and I didn’t want a boyfriend this time . . . I wanted a husband.

Online, I found a picture of a man with my ideal physical characteristics to post on my Myspace page (see photo of Juan Garcia at right).

The detailed physical description of my ideal partner included a masculine, chiseled face, dark hair, blue eyes, height: 6’6”, and weight: 222 lbs.  I was looking for what I called an ‘aggressive gentleman’ who radiated integrity.

real-dudeOn February 27 (about a month after I had taken the description off Myspace and continued with life as usual) I went on a date with a guy I met online who ended up fitting the bill perfectly (see photo at left).

His head was shaved at first, so it took me a while to realize that he had dark hair, but he has all of the physical characteristics, including the beautiful blue eyes . . . and he’s an ‘aggressive gentleman’ with integrity, who is also a Christian.

We may not be married right now, but I’m typing this article from his house while he’s at work.  We’re hitting it off.  It’s only been two months, but at this point, regardless of any future outcomes, I’m confident I’m perfecting the process.

Dissolving the filters that stand in the way of happiness

Part of my perfecting has to do with praying that my “filter” be removed.

red_flagsWhat do I mean?  Well, my new guy and myself kept “hitting each other’s filters” when we tried to communicate.  We both said things that triggered negative past memories of our exes, and those utterances, in turn, posted little red flags about each other.

Our filters were pulling what the other said completely out of both time and context, causing us to view the other as horrible deviations of who we really are.

We were both able to consciously acknowledge that this so, and that’s what enabled us to move on. It’s an ongoing process.

We are both trying to heal from our past relationships, and we realize how vital it is that we not allow ourselves to superimpose our past on each other.  It has allowed for great growth so far, and I hope that what we have gone though can help others.

A fine example of synchronicity occurred not too long after I discovered the “filter” dilemma in our relationship.  Shoot, I thought I coined the term!  However, after watching Bruce Lipton’s “The Biology of Perception” on YouTube, I realized that Bruce had got there first.  Bruce, in fact, summarized his entire lecture by discussing our ‘filters”.

This highly-esteemed man is scientifically proving that our beliefs create our reality, and that we are constantly choosing which “filters” we look through in every moment.

cake-eater1Despite working towards a more spiritual existence, the closer I get to my dreams, specifically, my dream relationship, the more I seem to start to worry.  However, this forces me to process life, transmute, surrender, and grow.   Although at times I feel like I’m driving myself nuts, it’s good to know that I can be well on my way to acquiring my dreams and be growing at the same time.

It’s the modern, spiritual version of “having your cake and eating it, too”.  I think we all know better than to think that the easiest earthly endeavours are as valueable as the ones we work hard for.  And although I know spirituality makes life much more simple than I ever imagined, it also makes sense that I (and others) have to balance my spiritual and carnal selves in this way. 

I like to think of myself as wide open, but there is more to open . . . so much more. The goal is to always truly feel like I’m pure love in motion with only the finest anticipations, aspirations, expectations, and realities.

Learning to respect other people’s views

Trying to respect other people’s views is an intrinsic part of this philosophy. Others view life through a totally unique filter that no one other than themselves will ever totally understand.

I recently learned a huge lesson regarding filters, spirituality, and religion. I experienced a powerful sinking feeling while in a conversation with my new guy regarding church and religion, that let me know that some of my strongest previously held beliefs were dead wrong.

peacechurchA self-defined spiritual person dating a Southern Christian isn’t always easy.  However, I came to the conclusion that if spiritual people are to be able to truly acknowledge each and every soul that walks the planet, it’s important to make sure we don’t contribute to the alienation and separation that can be imposed by religious denominational differences.

We should in fact be able to feel comfortable in every house of God. We are a part of every church. We’re more a part of the things we really don’t want to be a part of than we like to think.

Even if we don’t understand or agree with the precise way a leader of a church presents their case, we know that whatever he or she is saying is being said in the most perfect way to reach everyone so inclined to attend that day.  Any path to love and light is a good one.

There is nothing truly out of bounds on this planet, and every attempt we make to understand another soul is a noble one.  Everyone has their own hypocrisies in someone’s eyes, but, others are no different than ourselves.

My final advice is to laugh when you think there’s a dilemma.  Laugh when you want to cry. Cry if you have to, without shame.  Ride the light of Spirit till there’s nothing left. It’s better than every roller coaster you’ve ever been on. . .for obvious reasons.

As I see it, life really is the coolest scavenger hunt, longest Halloween, and funniest practical joke eva!

chelseain-purpleChelsea was born and raised in the South Carolina low country, and graduated from the College of Charleston in 2003 with a BA in Communications.  Says Chelsea, “I feel like I have much more figured out since I have discovered spirituality.  To prove it, I’m probably one of the happiest, most optimistic chicks around. Much love to everyone.” She blogs at Spirit Boutique.

(Top photo by Vitor Bustamante,

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3 Responses to “How I used intention to find my ‘ideal’ man”

  1. Thanks for an eye opening article Chelsea. I hadn’t thought that much about how filters and baggage from past relationships was affecting my current relationship. We all do carry around so much, regardless of age, it seems. I’m going to make an effort to live in the moment with my partner and not let fears for the future or thoughts from the past get in the way. Thanks again and I hope to read more of your thoughts on this site.

  2. Chelsea; thank you for your inspiring perspective. You are on track to emerge as a guide and teacher like Pamela Wilson and Katie Davis. You have an order of magnitude of self-awareness that most of us do not self-possess at your ‘young’ stage of life experience.

    Here is a question. Many people in their 20′s did not have life-savings or stock accounts or home investments that were wiped out by the multi-trillion-dollar devaluation of the western economy last year.

    But people in your generation are the most vulnerable to job loss: “Last hired, first fired.”

    Do you maintain the same perspective of presence at work, or through job security fears?

    We’d like to hear! Thank you again. Paul

  3. Thank you Miranda and Paul for such flattering comments. I’m SO glad I could shed light.

    To answer Paul’s question, I most definitely did maintain the same perspective through job security fears. I was hit hard by the housing market last year, but instead used the adversity as a means to surrender and transmute myself into who I’ve become today. Without the fallout last year, I doubt I would have realized the many blessings that each and every one of us ALREADY POSSESS, as well as the ones that have been coming to me lately SO CLEARLY.

    What most see as economic devaluation, I consider a vast RESTRUCTURING….of both our economic landscape and OUR PRIORITIES. I think it’s safe to say that everyone is seeing where TRUE value lies. Economic circumstances are forcing people within and to seek God…..action. Whatever was working for people before is no longer relevant. It’s the law of time.

    I don’t think the 20 somethings with no life savings or stock accounts or home investments will miss what they never had. Furthermore, there’s a good chance that some fabulous economic opportunities could be created THANKS TO the fallout, and more available to the masses in the future. I wouldn’t think of it ANY OTHER WAY if you catch the drift.

    A recession doesn’t compare to whatever is going to happen to us when we die. The more people can become in touch with their own spirit and connect to the rest of us, the better. There is no earthly topic out of the reach of spirituality!