A former street involved youth shares what gets him though a season that for many, is less than merry

Michael and his cousins

GUEST COLUMN: MICHAEL LARDIE — Today, as Christmas fast approaches, I  sit in a café, reflecting.  I’m thinking about why I am not fond of Christmas and trying to remember the good qualities I used to enjoy about it.

I left my mom’s house when I was five years old, due to circumstances beyond my control, and moved in with my uncle and his family for two years.  At the age of seven I moved in with another aunt and uncle in British Columbia, Canada.

From age seven to twelve, Christmas was always a positive experience.  We’d get together as a family and enjoy Dutch treats, and we’d put up the tree.  And then there were the presents. . . the excitement of what you received for Christmas, or anticipated getting.

Now that I’m thirty, my mind travels back over years, and I look at all the things that have happened in my life and find that it’s a very sad and hard time of year for me. . .just as it is for many others.

I don’t really have family to spend it with, and didn’t for many years. Sure they were alive, (my biological mom, and brother and sisters,) but we weren’t communicating.  The part of the family I would love to spend Christmas with (my Uncle Pete and Aunt Yvonne and their family) is three provinces away.  I have also lost very good friends, some due to distance, and an ex-partner to suicide.  With all the pain and suffering, why would I enjoy the season?

Christmas on the streets

I lived on the streets from the ages of 17- 21, ending up there due to circumstances involved with being in the care of The Children’s Aid Society.

Christmas for me during this period was going to The Living Rock, (a ministry in Hamilton, Ontario that aids street-involved youth) as well as to other places that gave out gifts. It was a very lonely time, eventhough I was around people I considered to be ”friends.”  It was never really the same as family.  Even now at age 30, life is still hard as there is so much damage, due to living on the street, that it’s like a poison for many of us.

I see the commercialism of Christmas: Santa and the reindeer, snowmen and elves, and the commercials, and all the latest and greatest things I can’t afford because I am living in a lifestyle of poverty.  It seems to be moving so far from what Christmas is really about.

I was always taught to believe that Christmas was a time of sharing and being with family and, most of all, about the birth of Jesus, in a stable 2000 years ago to Joseph and a virgin mother named Mary. But somewhere along the way the message was lost in all the busyness of the season, taken over by the commercialism and the feeling of having to buy or receive the best gift ever.

Thinking of others saves the season for me

I find that thinking about and helping others who may be suffering at this time of year brings the Christmas feeling back for me.

We spend billions of dollars on presents for our loved ones, and yet we walk right past those that don’t have loved ones. We enjoy huge turkey dinners, and we pass by the Salvation Army Donation collectors. We don’t like to see the people that are down trodden and that have no homes or even no hope in this season. We don’t like to pay attention to them, in the chaos of running around buying those last minute gifts.  Not everyone celebrates Christmas, but everyone can benefit from the message that this season is a time for love, bringing cheer, and being merry.

If all we do is focus on ourselves and the items we want, and fight with family, then I think it’s time to do an internal review and look at how we can make this year the BEST HOLIDAY SEASON — not just for your family, but for those that don’t have family and those that may not be as fortunate as we may be. Think about the joy you have on Christmas morning and then go and share that joy and spread the love around.

Michael and his daughter Cadence

I recently visited my hometown, and I made sure to spend time with friends that I have there.  The time with them was really special as they too don’t really have anyone to spend Christmas with. In the town I live in now, I am going to be spending Christmas Day and having dinner with a very good friend who would be alone otherwise.

These days I am living in a rented room an hour away from my youngest daughter, who I won’t see on Christmas day (I’ve already visited her). I am working on creating a non-profit organization, called Live Bravely, to promote suicide awareness and help others understand more about suicide to help prevent it.  I hope to provide people with the means to find the courage to stay alive and to get help if they are suicidal.

For many, this time of year is very hard, so, as you go through the season, please try and remember that there are those who may not get to spend time with family or friends and are going to be alone. If you need a break from your own family and festivities during the Christmas season, think about visiting people who might be alone at Christmas.

May your season be merry, and may you help a stranger find the joy in the season and in this part of our shared  journey.

Michael Lardie is a father of two, a former street-involved youth, and a catalyst for Live Bravely, which promotes suicide awareness and prevention.

As he says, ‘Life isn’t easy, but I’m still here.’

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