Love advice from a woman with no ego

Katie Davis is a female mystic, fellow traveler of Eckhart Tolle’s and teacher of the kind of love that makes relationships last

katie davisGUEST COLUMN: KATIE DAVIS author of Awake Joy: The Essence of Enlightenment— All love is one Love and when we fall in love with one another, it is said that we are experiencing the divine. Rumi, a thirteenth-century Sufi poet, defines love as a mystical moment, when two spiritually-connected individuals meet.

We call it love at first sight.

In this meeting of eyes, Rumi romantically writes, we not only experience the union of two loving souls but also the Love that is the crux of the universe.

Whether ethereal or everyday love, such as mother for child, when this cherished moment appears, we often have the misperception that someone or some other thing caused this rising in Love. In truth, we lose ourselves. This disappearance creates a crevice through which radiant love shines. There is only This Love and it is ever-present.

Love requires no other. Kirtana, a lovely songwriter and guitarist, sings:

Beloved, I have waited throughout all time . . . to welcome you. . . into these arms of mine.

Free of any other, in an effortless, spontaneous instant, Kirtana dissolved, the present moment disappeared, and only beloved remained.

Beloved is the sacred substratum of our existence, which is free of lovers altogether. It does not reside within the confines of “throughout all time.” It is discovered in the twinkling of an eye of no-time. This self-discovery allows unconditional love to emerge into our lives, our relationships and into the world.

As time travelers, we are identified with being a lover who loves someone else. As long as this subject-object relationship remains, true love cannot thrive. We expect and demand this or that to satisfy our self-created sense of lack.

This lack is the ego’s belief in individuality as identity, and its separation. It manifests in this world as the never-ending search for personal love, gratification and acceptance.

The false sense of “me” hopelessly pretends to separate from totality, and then expects someone else to fill the resulting pain gap. It fears the loss of a lover; it feels jealous, competes and needs.

katie and sundance

It voices its love for the divine and faithfully expresses deep longing. Yet, it stubbornly insists upon maintaining its sense of separation and of course, the result is suffering. Nonsensically, it then blames someone else for the pain. It is the divided one, who is longing and searching, that sustains our estrangement.

Love is not personal. It cannot be gained through any other. Love cannot be given to you, nor can it be threatened or taken away. It is essentially who you are. When you are seeking a lover, you are actually searching for love. You are overlooking that you are what you are seeking, which is why it cannot be found.

Before you continue this search, my invitation is to discover that you are love’s conscious fulfillment. In this discovery, you then have the opportunity to meet romantic love in wholeness. You are free of the pre-existing condition and pain gap. You no longer need to complete yourself.

If you are already in a problematic relationship — as personal relationships can only be — as true lovers, you can disappear together. Free of “you” and “me,” we intimately rise above the push and pull of personal relationship and preciously rise as the Pure Love that we genuinely are.

In its purity and wholeness, Love is synonymous with self-realization. It is the realized maturity of the human being. Then, romantic love does not need to bloom. When the perfect lover appears, the rose already is there.

book coverKatie Davis is the author of “Awake Joy: The Essence of Enlightenment.” In 1986, she radically and spontaneously awakened without practices or teachers. Since 1999, she has been traveling worldwide to share the message of conscious freedom, cause-less joy and perfect peace that is available for every human being right now through awakening and self-realization.  Dig deeper on her site.

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9 Responses to “Love advice from a woman with no ego”

  1. Beautiful teaching here, Katie. It occurs to me that the experience of “Falling in Love” might be the “embodied” LOVE in each individual rejoicing in the new possibility of “Making Love” – creating love – in the human world of forms. If couples realized the journey they are entering on and both the work and the delight that awaits, they might have a much more expansive level of expectation and more courage and hope in the journey.

  2. Hello David ~

    Yes, what you are sharing is true and thank you for this clarity. Once we realize totally and completely, free of all doubt, that we ARE the love we have been seeking in virtually every other … it is the beginning of an endless journey that is pure delight. Big Love has no end and just joyfully overflows. One could say that all that remains is a grateful Heart.

    Gratefully ~


  3. Katie, this is beautiful. When I read it, I know it’s true. You made joy flood my heart. Thankyou.

  4. Hello Steve ~

    Yes … it is amazing how joy recognizes itself as Truth. Thank you for taking a moment to comment.

    Only This Ever Present Love ~ Katie

  5. Hi Katie, This article has taught me a lot! Do you have any suggestions on how I can let go of ego to allow real love to flood in? This is something I struggle with all the time.


    Sarah Jean

  6. Hello Sarah ~

    Thank you for you question.

    The truth of the matter is that you are This Love. It is alive and completely fulfilled right now. Just as you say however the ego obscures this extraordinary revelation.

    When we speak of ego, it will be found that its identity is only a mental word, the false “I.” This tiny first person pronoun of personal suffering has pulling power and pulls with it, all of its past conditioning, problems and conflicts.

    Our tendency is to then begin hopelessly working with the countless beliefs, concepts and problematic life situations, without realizing that it is the ego itself that is doing the work.

    No matter how hard we try, our attempts will eventually fail, because the false sense of self remains. The false “I” (mind) cannot remove itself (mind). On the other hand, if you remove the false “I,” all of its attachments fall with it like a wall of sand. So, we need a new tool.

    This is called Self-inquiry and it is the Direct Approach to Self-realization … realizing the Truth of who you really are. I offer it in the teachings because I have been amazed how successful it is when one is persistent.

    There are many supportive articles on my blog at and a current article posted at

    The opportunity of awakening, enlightenment and Self-realization is a true and immediate opportunity for every human being. It is not true that it takes years of practicing … it cannot take more time to realize that which is timeless. It does not require more experience to realize that which is beyond experience.

    There is a Pure “I” that is the Heart of all being. Once realized, we live fearlessly in the Unknown and Love shines the way in every moment.

    All Love ~ Katie

  7. Dear Katie; Thank you for entering your insights here:

    Our tendency is to then begin hopelessly working with the countless beliefs, concepts and problematic life situations, without realizing that it is the ego itself that is doing the work.

    No matter how hard we try, our attempts will eventually fail, because the false sense of self remains. The false “I” (mind) cannot remove itself (mind).

    How have you, from that place, that you have beautifully elaborated manifested both: connection with being (non-duality), and connection with a corporeal “other” in a relationship in a dualistic world ?

  8. Dear Paul ~

    Thank you for your question. I posted a reply a week or so ago, but it disappeared! :-)

    Pure Being is the Essence of everyone and the expression of that Essence is awake Love. In other words, you ARE Love.

    The ego is misidentication with the false “I” or mind-made self. When you realize that the ego does not truly exist as any more than just another thought, the idea of separate others also vanishes. In fact, the Essence is all there genuinely is.

    In the realization of Non-duality (not two), we realize true Self. “My body” is now the appearance of the universe: the sacred OM, the rotating planets, the life forces and among many others, the body named Katie.

    Not only do we realize true Self, but with full embodiment of the Totality, we recognize the true nature of the world of form. There is only the Self (Pure “I,” Heart, Pure Awareness … and Self-Power (the appearance of the universe).
    Or we could say, NOW and the Power of NOW. While my power is dependent upon me, it is also inseparable.

    On the “inward” journey to Self-realization, we eliminate all that we are not to discover the formless Truth. One fine day, we open our eyes and realize the New Earth. It is not really “new” but rather newly found … without the dark sunglasses of the divided mind, we are able to see form as it authentically is.

    The “dualistic” world as you call it above was only a reflection of the “dualistic” mind. Both vanish and the still, illuminated mind provides the perfect mirror to reflect the perfection of the Heart.

    The ultimate truth is that there is nothing personal and therefore no “others.” What we used to call relationship is no longer required. Don’t get me wrong, our beautiful bodies and their given names are still here with all of their creativity and unique expressions,just no more separation, fear and suffering.

    We are no longer limited by what we have learned in an “individual” lifetime. We are totally freed from the known and adventure the Unknown that is infinite potentiality of the divine; based on its inherent basic goodness, perfect peace and HUGE Love.

    I can only repeat yet again … this awakening is a miracle!

    Only This Love ~ Katie Davis


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