Comments on: Arnold Schwarzenegger and the unbearable lateness of monogamy http://www.soulscode.com/monogamy-what-is-it-good-for/ Everyone's a Guru Fri, 27 Jan 2012 06:39:06 +0000 hourly 1 By: Cassandra http://www.soulscode.com/monogamy-what-is-it-good-for/comment-page-1/#comment-271499 Cassandra Fri, 20 May 2011 13:18:10 +0000 http://www.soulscode.com/monogamy-what-is-it-good-for#comment-271499 Thanks for your comments John. I agree that I have probably accumulated some bad karma along the way :( Hopefully my other actions and activities will cancel some of that out. I've been monogamous for 7 months now, which could be an all time record. I am very happy in my current relationship... maybe it has something to do with getting older, realizing no one (including myself is perfect), and to make the most of the time I have here on Earth and the people I choose to be around. I feel a wonderful sense of peace and this forum has helped me with that. Thanks for your comments John. I agree that I have probably accumulated some bad karma along the way :( Hopefully my other actions and activities will cancel some of that out.

I’ve been monogamous for 7 months now, which could be an all time record. I am very happy in my current relationship… maybe it has something to do with getting older, realizing no one (including myself is perfect), and to make the most of the time I have here on Earth and the people I choose to be around. I feel a wonderful sense of peace and this forum has helped me with that.

]]> By: John http://www.soulscode.com/monogamy-what-is-it-good-for/comment-page-1/#comment-271449 John Fri, 20 May 2011 00:14:46 +0000 http://www.soulscode.com/monogamy-what-is-it-good-for#comment-271449 I think there are several issues. First there is honesty. Cheating is never good. Rather than "cheat," open the relationship if the other person is amenable. If not, either be faithful to the relationship or gently move on. It seems that many people want to eat their cake and have it, too. The second issue is that it is very, very difficult to fight society. Non-monogamy subjects one to a variety of problems. There is the legal issue of polygamy or bigamy. There is the judgment of society that you are a "pervert." Then there is the judgment of your family and friends, many of whom will feel threatened by a non-monogamous lifestyle. Of course, there are the STD issues, but I assume you're bright enough to avoid most of them. Most importantly, though, there is the other person to consider. If we are not very, very careful, the other person in an theoretically committed relationship can be very wounded by being non-monogamous. It brings up so many primal fears and feelings of abandonment. If you want to be non-monogamous, don't try to hang on to a committed relationship and "cheat" at the same time. It sounds to me like you're looking at what YOU want, rather than what is good for everyone in the relationship. You want the security of a committed relationship and the freedom to roam. Somehow, I don't think that is going to be good karma in the long run. I think there are several issues. First there is honesty. Cheating is never good. Rather than “cheat,” open the relationship if the other person is amenable. If not, either be faithful to the relationship or gently move on. It seems that many people want to eat their cake and have it, too. The second issue is that it is very, very difficult to fight society. Non-monogamy subjects one to a variety of problems. There is the legal issue of polygamy or bigamy. There is the judgment of society that you are a “pervert.” Then there is the judgment of your family and friends, many of whom will feel threatened by a non-monogamous lifestyle. Of course, there are the STD issues, but I assume you’re bright enough to avoid most of them.
Most importantly, though, there is the other person to consider. If we are not very, very careful, the other person in an theoretically committed relationship can be very wounded by being non-monogamous. It brings up so many primal fears and feelings of abandonment. If you want to be non-monogamous, don’t try to hang on to a committed relationship and “cheat” at the same time. It sounds to me like you’re looking at what YOU want, rather than what is good for everyone in the relationship. You want the security of a committed relationship and the freedom to roam. Somehow, I don’t think that is going to be good karma in the long run.

]]> By: Steve http://www.soulscode.com/monogamy-what-is-it-good-for/comment-page-1/#comment-269512 Steve Mon, 09 May 2011 20:49:23 +0000 http://www.soulscode.com/monogamy-what-is-it-good-for#comment-269512 I have an alternative health practice that goes fairly deeply into the psychological aspects of health. Part of my practice is taking pulse and looking at palm lines and facial lines. Not from a fortune telling point of view, but from a health point of view. There are certain lines that suggest the person is less likely to be faithful. The lines are pretty accurate, and if you add in 3 or 4 other lines, for example, one that suggests the person gets negative with a partner, and you can be quite assured the person is inclined to cheat and likely has. Surprisingly, way more women have these lines than men. And, when I point these lines out they all sheepishly admit they have been unfaithful, and usually more than once. One day I saw 5 women. Four of them were having affairs. I don't know about the 5th, but she was 80, so I doubt it. I think monogamy is not only difficult, but probably isn't really happening in any meaningful sense. I have a gay friend who is in a committed relationship. I asked him if he and his partner were monogamous. "Oh, yes, for sure," he said, "Mainly, I mean, of course." That was an honest answer. I think most heterosexual couples are the same, only when something comes out it destroys everyone's life. My gay friend comes homes from a business trip and says, 'wow, guess what happened to me', and his partner gets it, and is more or less fine with it. I have an alternative health practice that goes fairly deeply into the psychological aspects of health. Part of my practice is taking pulse and looking at palm lines and facial lines. Not from a fortune telling point of view, but from a health point of view.

There are certain lines that suggest the person is less likely to be faithful. The lines are pretty accurate, and if you add in 3 or 4 other lines, for example, one that suggests the person gets negative with a partner, and you can be quite assured the person is inclined to cheat and likely has. Surprisingly, way more women have these lines than men. And, when I point these lines out they all sheepishly admit they have been unfaithful, and usually more than once.

One day I saw 5 women. Four of them were having affairs. I don’t know about the 5th, but she was 80, so I doubt it.

I think monogamy is not only difficult, but probably isn’t really happening in any meaningful sense.

I have a gay friend who is in a committed relationship. I asked him if he and his partner were monogamous. “Oh, yes, for sure,” he said, “Mainly, I mean, of course.” That was an honest answer. I think most heterosexual couples are the same, only when something comes out it destroys everyone’s life. My gay friend comes homes from a business trip and says, ‘wow, guess what happened to me’, and his partner gets it, and is more or less fine with it.

]]> By: Raghuram Natesan http://www.soulscode.com/monogamy-what-is-it-good-for/comment-page-1/#comment-127038 Raghuram Natesan Mon, 12 Oct 2009 14:09:42 +0000 http://www.soulscode.com/monogamy-what-is-it-good-for#comment-127038 Just when you think you know love, there is more to learn. Love therefore is a desire to complete oneself in several dimensions of our personalities. There are times when it brings out the dark sides, but those are the times that one learns more about oneself and more about love. My only advice would be for her to evaluate what makes her choose to move outside an existing relationship and see if there are areas of development that will help her get around it. Just when you think you know love, there is more to learn. Love therefore is a desire to complete oneself in several dimensions of our personalities. There are times when it brings out the dark sides, but those are the times that one learns more about oneself and more about love.

My only advice would be for her to evaluate what makes her choose to move outside an existing relationship and see if there are areas of development that will help her get around it.

]]> By: Rose http://www.soulscode.com/monogamy-what-is-it-good-for/comment-page-1/#comment-125952 Rose Thu, 08 Oct 2009 18:00:10 +0000 http://www.soulscode.com/monogamy-what-is-it-good-for#comment-125952 Pam, you did a great job introducing Polyamory. The keys are honesty, mutual respect and strong self-confidence. I believe that forced monogamy leads to cheating and/or disengagement. The urge to be sexually intimate with more than one person is natural. Polyamory is an alternative to serial monogamy, reducing or eliminating separation turmoil. True love never dies. Why should the relationship? There is a wealth of information available on-line to anyone with goggle. Pam, you did a great job introducing Polyamory. The keys are honesty, mutual respect and strong self-confidence. I believe that forced monogamy leads to cheating and/or disengagement. The urge to be sexually intimate with more than one person is natural. Polyamory is an alternative to serial monogamy, reducing or eliminating separation turmoil. True love never dies. Why should the relationship?

There is a wealth of information available on-line to anyone with goggle.

]]>