Fighting seasonal depression with song
Many people feel intensely sad during the winter months; here’s how a 23-year-old musician copes with his depression all year round
It closes in on me and keeps me from feeling anything positive.
I feel so alone most days that the sick feeling of isolation seems like my only reality. It’s strange, but it seems that when I’m lonely, the best cure is solitude.
The problem is, my demons often creep in from the shadows and raid my mind, plaguing me with dark imagery and worry.
My depression goes way back; I never faced my feelings as a child. Often, I would just run from my emotional wounds. I find it hard to explain the trauma I endured in that time.
The feelings expressed through my body were far from pleasant and I noticed changes in my attitude. I have always felt alone, and my depression is a direct link from that sensation. Like many young people,I have never felt as if I fit in, or that anyone understood me.
I felt like I was passing through my reality, yes, with a touch of grace; but only to be ignored by people I actually cared for. I’ve been lost, disconnected and restrained by a physical shell with many spiritual restrictions. No one, not my friends nor my family, could be close to me.
What is that line from Sartre? “Hell is other people.” Eventually I ended up trapping myself in my own sorrow.
Why did I end up craving the pain, as if it’s all I really have? To this day I try to ignore what my mind tries to convince me of.
That’s the little voice in your head mentioning your flaws, pointing the gun at your brain and telling you to walk through your toughest experiences without being even remotely ready.
Now, as I look back to what I’ve gone through, I wouldn’t change anything in my life. I would keep all the experiences. Many of them were dire and painful, but I love who I am now and I’m thankful I could finally piece myself together.
When I was really depressed, listening to music was my crutch, something to hold on to as I sunk my mind into the lyrics and rested in those thoughts. This created wonderful moments of peace.
I have gathered so much inner knowledge from these experiences, and this has become my mission — to pass a message of hope on to others. This is the reason that I created my band, Blake Bliss, about three years ago.
With my singing career, I’m trying to help others who feel disconnected and lonely.
One day I think you just wake up from all the pain and realize. Still, more experiences with depression pour in even now and I fight my depression every day.
This isn’t the end of the battle. I’m only just getting warmed up