Tag Archives: codependency
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Decoding codependence

If we are all co-dependents now, what is America’s turn-around? *

BY DAVID RICKEY — Marriages, mortgages, and just-missed connections. In the annals of clinical psychology, the term “Co-Dependence” describes a relationship between 2 people where the well-being of one is perceived as dependent on the well-being of the other.

In other words: “I can’t be happy unless you are happy.” The subconscious subtext: “Your happiness ought to be secondary to my happiness.”

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Addicted to the addict: The anatomy of codependence

The first in a seven-part SOUL’S CODE series about Codependence

Are you, or have you ever been, a codependent person?

co-de-pend-ent [koh-di-pen-duhnt] – adjective

1. of or pertaining to a relationship in which one person is physically or psychologically addicted, as to alcohol or gambling, and the other person is psychologically dependent on the first in an unhealthy way.

BY DAVID RICKEY and PAUL KAIHLA That’s the standard dictionary, or in this case Wikipedia, definition. Take out the argot about addiction, and codependency can be summed up with this plain phrase: a mutually-parasitic bonding.

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parent-trap-poster.jpg

The Parent Trap: Setting the stage for codependence

Part 2 of 7 in a Soul’s Code series about codependence

BY DAVID RICKEY and PAUL KAIHLA — In the Disney movie, The Parent Trap, a pre-tabloid child star named Lindsay Lohan manipulates a reconciliation between her on-screen, estranged parents (played by Dennis Quaid and Natasha Richardson). Yes, it’s a romantic comedy. But this charming film is also a case study of how codependence can take root.

When we ask each other in the Starbucks line-up why Lindsay in real-life has so many addictions, affairs and abuses, it’s the same as asking: where does codependence come from?

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Barack Obama, John McCain and the presidential politics of codependence

Barack Obama, John McCain and the presidential politics of codependence

Part 3 of 7 in a Soul’s Code series about codependence

BY DAVID RICKEY and PAUL KAIHLA — In our description of the Stage 1 of codependence we talked about how common it is for people who had childhoods with an abusive, dysfunctional or weak parent to carbon-copy that dynamic in adult relationships — or compensate for it.

As it happens, both of the 2008 presidential candidates fit the mold with their fathers. Barack Obama (in the B&W photo with his mother, step-father and half-sister) never really knew his father, except by myth.

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A Book that Changed Me: How to be an Adult in Relationships

A Book that Changed Me: How to be an Adult in Relationships

David Richo has a simple test for the question, ‘Should you stay or should you go?’ What you should ask, ‘Am I codependent’?

BY ALEX HAISLIP — There’s nothing more debilitating than staying stuck in an unfulfilling relationship. The need to have somebody, anybody — even an other who is just plain wrong for you — is essentially an addiction. David Richo has a prescription for curing that addiction.

His framework:

Here are the words of a codependent: “Because you please me sexually, because we have been together so long, because I don’t know whether I will ever find someone else, I CAN’T LET YOU GO — even though you do not meet me at my soul/adult level.”

Here are the words of an adult: “Even though you please me sexually, even though we have been together so long, even though I don’t know whether I will ever find someone else, I HAVE TO LET YOU GO because you do not meet me at my soul/adult level.”

Call it Richo’s brand of tough-love, or spiritual medicine. His penetrating — indeed, devastating — insights make this book both hard to get through, and hard to put down.

Richo’s work isn’t just for emotional adolescents. The book is a great guide for those who want to deepen and improve even the most enduring and loving relationship.

His five operative words have a distinctly Buddhist ring: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing. It’s a recipe is guaranteed to tune-up any relationship, at any stage.

More than anything, the book is a call to conscious action. It implores us to take full responsibility for our own thoughts and emotional states, and rise to the challenge of unconditional love. Rather than just falling in love and losing control, embrace a clarity of will and sense of Self — or as Jung might say, allow God or the Force to love an other through you.

Check it out for yourself: How to be an Adult in Relationships

[Image from FarHorizons.org]

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Codependency

Decoding Codependency

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