Tag Archives: Sins of My Faith
sexandlove1

When sex and love are not one and the same

A heart-breaking work of staggering honesty: Sins of My Faith. In this Soul’s Code exclusive, a woman who lost her innocence to incest explains why she did not “out” her abuser

BY MARINA GIULLIANI: It’s commonly understood that incest refers to “sexual acts between close relatives”, but I know from first-hand experience that incest is a heinous act that no dictionary definition could possibly prepare you for.

Fondled by a respected member of our family, from the time I was much too young to know what havoc the guilt of sexual pleasure would bestow on my future, I lost my innocence to incest.

At one time I would have agreed with those who claim that rape is a far more serious abuse than touching. But now that I’ve put all the pieces together, it’s apparent that my subconscious made no such distinction.

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creativity1

Sex and the single-minded girl

FROM THE ARCHIVES: “One loveless relationship followed another. I sought comfort in the sexual pleasure I’d been introduced to as a child. I even kept a numbered list of lovers.”

Read the Soul’s Code exclusive series, Sins of my Faith

In Marina’s last episode she described her teens in a segregated Catholic high school, her increasing drug-use and how sex soon evolved into her “drug of choice.”  Random sexual encounters, which Marina controlled, flowed through her years in college and her segue into a broadcast career.

BY MARINA GIULLIANI — Over the years that followed, I specialized in lusty encounters.

One loveless relationship followed another, as I sought out comfort in the sexual pleasure I’d been introduced to as a child.

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Lot_and_his_Daughters

A brief history of my post-childhood sex life

“I had flings with over-sexed football players, a boss at a TV station — and now see them as fallout from sexual abuse in my Catholic home”

Lot and his daughters: a Baroque depiction of Genesis-19

MARINA GIULLIANI (Read part 1 , 2 and 3 of this Soul’s Code excerpt from the book, Sins of my Faith) Being sexually-pleasured as a young child meant I was always very uncomfortable in situations where using my sexuality to get my own way was not an option.

The thought of heading to a segregated Catholic high school was pure torment.

My sister Angela had chosen the school a year earlier, and I was stuck with it. Now four to five years of nothing but girls and nuns loomed ahead of me. I was completely disillusioned by all things Catholic, and I hated the boxed-in feeling of girly stuff.

In high school I’d soon be totally engulfed by both.

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denial1

My first taste of control came in my grandfather’s lap

In the second part of a Soul’s Code exclusive from the book Sins of My Faith, Marina explains that what seems like denial is self-protection

BY MARINA GIULLIANI (read part one) : “It hit me like a cold slap. That’s when it all started!” I made the connection on a chilly February afternoon, but didn’t realize the impact it made on the last forty-four years until two days later.  I’d been in Vancouver, with my best friend of over twenty years, trying to get perspective on my life. We had shared a lot of memories, but this particular piece of my life story never surfaced until after I returned home.

“I never told you this before. . .” I stated bluntly in an e-mail conversation with her, “. . . because it was never a concern and because it wasn’t traumatic, but, when I was a little girl, my grandfather used to touch my genitals. I loved the way it felt, so I never thought much about it.”

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sinsofmyf

A child’s false God

My first “faith”: Catholic guilt, playing Purgatory, Priests who molested, and kissing cousins

BY MARINA GIULLIANI — Read part 1 and part 2 of this Soul’s Code exclusive from the book, Sins of my Faith

Outsiders would say I’m a serial victim of sexual abuse. I reject the word victim because I consider myself a champion and I resist being labelled at all, as such a complex experience can’t possibly be generalized.

Having said that, when I realized my stolen innocence created the havoc that became my future,
my mind raged with the minute details of experiences long forgotten. . .

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