Love without fear

The phrase, “I love you,” is an empty one until you can face these four fears

BY DR. ANGELA HEPPNER — When was the last time you said to someone “I love you”?

These have to be the three most precious words uttered when spoken from the heart with genuine meaning.

Is this not what everyone wishes to hear? It can be so easy for us to express our true feelings to some and not to others. Why is this?

There are four main reasons why this phrase is prevented from being expressed freely.

  • Fear of rejection
  • The risk of expressing genuine feelings
  • Perceived unworthiness
  • Fear of being hurt

Don’t let fear of rejection run your life

It is common behavior for some people to have very strong feelings towards another and to not share these emotions. Look no further than the heroine in PBS’s smash-hit Downton Abbey (played by Michelle Dockery, in the photo above) and her on-again, off-again romance with Matthew.

Fear of rejection is a preconceived idea and condition that is completely tied into lack of self-esteem and confidence.

We can be afraid that if we share our true feelings and thoughts with another then they will not be reciprocated, or denied and turned down. Honestly, the worst anyone can ever say is a “no”, but so what? Life goes on without waiting for anyone.

On the other side of the spectrum; what if we did take that brave step forward, opened up our hearts and genuinely shared our true feelings, then they were accepted lovingly on the other end? We don’t know until we try. “Love can be a risk; do it anyhow.”

What have we got to lose? Let me clarify something here on the “ifs” listed here. Replace those “ifs” with “do”, and as Nike so wisely put it, “Don’t just think about it, do it, do it, do it!”

Not expressing “genuine feelings” can get in the way of love

That brings me to the point of having genuine feelings for someone, that is holding very deep loving feelings. These are true and indeed genuine, but some people do not wish to share them.  These are heartfelt feelings that are being stifled and prevented from surfacing.

What follows is an inner struggle. Our ordinary commonplace feelings can be so easily shared; yet those deep-stirrings-of-the-heart type of feelings cannot surface.  The no-strings-attached attitude is a lot easier to share freely because there is no fear involved in this scenario.

To share those deep, genuine feelings could mean a commitment to another person due to the very fact that we are committing our innermost emotions to another. The heart is talking, and not the mind.

Perceived unworthiness of self is another barrier

A lack of “worthiness” on our part can be another obstacle to love.  We may even lack the courage to express our love for another because we believe we are not worthy enough share ourselves with others, or think our feelings of love are unmerited.

If we do not feel that we are worthy of something or someone, then we fail to pursue it. This could be a dream, even a lifelong dream. As fate would have it; if it is not meant to be ours, it will not be ours regardless. So why not try? The worst result of not achieving one’s dream could be the learning of a very valuable, even necessary, lesson and perhaps gaining a great friendship.

Fear of being hurt

We have all had a relationship (or two) with someone very special and near to our hearts.  Many of us have also experienced hurt due to losing someone that we once loved, and maybe even still do to this day.

Our pain and fear of future pain can prevent us from opening our hearts again to allow love in. Here the fearful “ifs” come again: what “if” I get hurt again? What “if” this happens to me yet again?  Everything happens for a reason; there is nothing that does not. There was either a lesson that needed to be learned and was missed presenting itself to us yet again; or many missed opportunities that have come and gone.

book1So at one point in our lives we have all wished to have that special relationship with someone; to find the “love of our lives.”  How are we able to do this or to ever have this dream come true if we do not let love in and try?  It is very true that some have been presented with this; it landed right in their lap and they did not pursue it; yet they are still hoping and wishing that this will happen for them one day.

Don’t let love pass you by

We may think at some point that we are not ready for a relationship or a commitment; yet this golden opportunity presents itself to us and we pass on it.  We then wonder later why we are alone and have no one significant in our lives.

Everything is constantly changing and ever evolving, including us. There will come a point in time when we think we are ready, but that wonderful, glorious opportunity has already passed us by.

It’s a good idea to put full trust into the Universe and the divine in this process and completely follow our hearts. This is the only way to assure that no golden opportunities will be missed out on. When you feel it, do it. Do not allow the mind to interfere in this process and lead you astray.

The heart’s call arrived and was not heard. The mind took over and gave many reasons why something should not be or cannot be. Doubt, worry, skepticism and fear are, in all actuality, parts of the mind; these are not parts of the heart.

Time waits for no one; when these divine gifts and blessings present themselves to us, we are responsible to take them and have the choice whether to act upon them or not.

Regrets come from the heart, not the mind. Regrets are felt because the heart’s call was ignored. There is an inner struggle when the head and heart are at odds. The heart and higher–self speak very loudly and clearly, but cannot be heard when the mind alone is in full control in the drivers seat.

So why ignore the heart? What is to gain from this? The heart is where pure truth resides and only truth. The heart is where only goodness is found. Where do you think love truly resides? Is it of the heart or in the mind?

Love is a feeling, not a thought. It is divine energy and emotion that is fully expressed through the heart, soul and higher – self. The key to happiness, balance, harmonious relationships and divine love is the heart. This is the only key available to us.

angelaDr. Angela Heppner is the author of The Book of Life and is an ordained minister, journalist, poet and song writer.  Her academic accomplishments include earning a Bachelor of Metaphysical Sciences (B.Msc.); Master of Metaphysical Sciences (M.Sc.), and a Philosopher Of Holistic Life Coaching (Ph.D) degree.  Angela’s passion is healing with the help of the arch angels.  Visit her site, Angel Aura Healing.

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11 Responses to “Love without fear”

  1. Beautiful article Angela. Why are we all so afraid to say the words, ‘I love you.? I know that it sticks in my throat when I say those words to anyone (be it friend, family member or lover), not sure why though.

  2. I enjoyed reading this article. I found it facinating. I was curious as you Dr. Angela’s credentials, not that accreditation and credetials are everything in life. I was wondering what school her doctorate is from and if it is a accredited institute or even state approved. I also have never heard of a degree titled “philospher of holistic life coaching”. This doesn’t detract from the niceness of the article, but I was just curious.

  3. Wise words to remember..thank you Angela

  4. ahhhhhhh to BE LOVing SELF Unconditionally, my blessing for ALL of WE, in HIGHest HAPPIness ALLways.

    it is then, the attraction or lack thereof is seen as it is, and not taken as personal insult…but merely two energy frequencies not vibrating harmoniously within the specified key..this then opens the door to potential melodies anew, in a different key, if inspiration to so journey remains…otherwise, we simply continue along our way, singing our own tunes and dancing in TRUTH, in LOVE, Unconditional for SELF and thus, ALL :)

    Blessedly BE Sweet Earth Angels to dancing our journeys through life imbued within Our HIGHest HAPPIness in Every NOW, ALLways, embraced in the grace of Unconditional LOVE.

  5. Love is a flow of energy which for each of us is born within in order to begin the on going Love Exchange of life..

  6. Hello Nathan,

    My Ph.D was attained from the University of Metaphysical Sciences in California. I am Canadian so there is no “state” to approve anything.. Although my education is also recognized in Canada. -:) It is absolutely an accredited University and recognized and listed in the registries throughout the USA.

    Please feel free to visit:

    For a full list of credentials.

    “Let life be your greatest teacher.”

    Much Love and Light…

  7. Good article with some great advice. There’s also this book I read which I recommend. It’s a thinker’s guide to love and dating entitled “Decoding Love” by Andrew Trees. It touches upon the psychological study of love, and analyzes love and dating to the rational thinker.

  8. Carlos Gutierrez Reply 14. Jan, 2010 at 7:35 am

    This is a BIG topic!

    I have seeing many people who are looking for love and CAN’T find it because they are looking for something that they think don’t have, or they think love is something that is outside of themselves that they have to go and get it.

    If you want love, you have to fall in love with yourself first, so you can invite the experience (law of attraction). If you don’t know what love really is, you can’t experience it because you can’t experience that what you don’t know and you can’t know what you don’t choose to know. Therefore, it is very important to know that you are LOVE made out of LOVE. LOVE is something you are and not something you have to get.

    Being single without a relationship is an opportunity to work on yourself because the more you evolve the better relationship you will attract. You need to become aware who you really are, or who you want to become, so you can play game of life. Choose LOVE and work on it.



  9. What’s interesting is that because I do not have to devote a large percentage of my time to loving a significant other, I have time to love lots of other things. I get to spend more time with my daughters, my dogs and enjoying and loving so many wonderful things all around me. I don’t feel like there is an emptiness inside of me because I sleep alone. Especially since the Boston Terrier puppy and Jack Russell take up ‘his” side. :)

  10. I am newly single again and I have been on some singles sites and I am meeting the coolest people ever! YES there are some weird ones, but we are all just looking for someone to “click” with – have an easy conversation, compare our morals and values, likes and dislikes and have a spark of chemistry in the process. I believe by opening yourself up to the Universe good things will happen. You take a risk – you reap the benefits. You do nothing – you remain alone. Happy Valentin’s to everyone! Singles and Marrieds! Puppies and Humans! (that was for LINDA!! :-)

  11. bonnie primrose johnstone Reply 26. Dec, 2011 at 3:59 am

    Thank you for the birthday wishes and gift;was very thoughtfull of you;;;hope your doing well;and i wish you all the best in the new